Coming there, I didn't know what to expect, I was very giddy, nervous, afraid and excited at the same time. I thought coming there would be the best option to give my self the much needed closure, I thought that by coming there I would be able to satisfy all of this longing and curiosity. I thought that coming there would solve everything and I'd be able to really move on.
Damnit, I had never been more wrong.
Coming there was like a vacation, very fun and exhilarating. Coming there was like coming home, so comfortable and warm. Coming there was easily one of the best moments in these few months.
It was so easy to laugh, for once I really got all the jokes. It had been such a long time since the last time I laughed that hard, it had been way too long since the last time I laughed 'till my stomach literally hurt.
I hadn't talked that long with someone, coming there I feel like I found my self again, my carefree self who couldn't care less about what next word to say, whether this will offend the people in front of me or not, whether it's okay or not to express my opinion about certain things & so much more.
It was effortless, being happy was effortless, being comfortable was effortless. everything I did there was so effortless. I love seeing those familiar faces I know by heart, I love knowing that I still have a home there.
And then it hit me, how much I missed everything.
I miss the people. I miss their scents, I miss their laughter, I miss their sense of humor, I miss the safety I felt around them, I miss how easy it was to laugh with them. I miss them
I miss the building, yes I actually miss the building. I used to hate it, I hated how unmaintained it was, I hated how it had to be closed at 6 pm, I hated the restroom and I even hated the stairs. But I didn't realize that it provided me a place to belong. Being a new student in ITB means that you gotta stick around in common buildings or library with the strangers whom you can't talk to and people you'd rather avoid. It's just so different, I'm so used to hanging around in the hall or 'teras matek' whenever I got nothing to do, there we could gather around, just doing nothing, chitchating, doing homeworks, and just being together. But now I feel like a lost puppy whenever I have no classes.
There are many other things to be missed but I'd rather not go into details.
Well, here I am living my dream yet it's still hard for me to move on from the past, not to mention that I have been missing out so much. I'm not going to try catching up with those things I've missed because it would be left in vain. Slowly but surely I know I have to back out, I know that I'm losing my place and it's okay, maybe. I honestly don't know how long I can keep this up, sometimes in my lowest point I feel like changing my phone numbers, making new accounts and forgetting everything. But we all know that it is a very stupid idea because you can't choose which memories to remember, you can only choose to pretend ignoring them.
Coming there again had made it clear, that I'm never going to forget about them, about everything that had happened the past year. And that's what saddens me the most, coming there had made me realize that I could be that happy. It had made me remember that it's possible to feel Home outside my real home.
You might think I'm exaggerating things, But it's me we're talking about. I'm the worst person when it comes to adapting into new things , I'm also very bad at being close to new people, I'm like a lump of awkwardness to the people I'm not close with. That's why when I feel comfortable around certain people or things, I always get too attached.
Perhaps it was just because I visited them at the time when the euphoria was so thick on the air, or perhaps it was because I hadn't expect my trip to Depok would be that fun. Perhaps it was because I didn't let myself to admit how much I miss everything.
But, I feel like I haven't said enough thank you to all of them, especially MAT12ICES.
Thank you for being my family, for the past year, even until now and beyond. Thank you for not forgetting me, I really love the quote you gave me "You'll always be a part of us and you will never walk alone" ,I wish you all endless success and don't forget to have fun! I love you all so much!
You might think I'm exaggerating things, But it's me we're talking about. I'm the worst person when it comes to adapting into new things , I'm also very bad at being close to new people, I'm like a lump of awkwardness to the people I'm not close with. That's why when I feel comfortable around certain people or things, I always get too attached.
Perhaps it was just because I visited them at the time when the euphoria was so thick on the air, or perhaps it was because I hadn't expect my trip to Depok would be that fun. Perhaps it was because I didn't let myself to admit how much I miss everything.
But, I feel like I haven't said enough thank you to all of them, especially MAT12ICES.
Thank you for being my family, for the past year, even until now and beyond. Thank you for not forgetting me, I really love the quote you gave me "You'll always be a part of us and you will never walk alone" ,I wish you all endless success and don't forget to have fun! I love you all so much!
And
to the people I could never forget, Ditya, Insan, Kinan, Lintang,
Maria, Niken, Ova, Zainul.
You know how much I love you all. Try not to forget me yaa!<3
You know how much I love you all. Try not to forget me yaa!<3
Well,
for a friendly reminder, I don't regret moving. I don't think I ever
will, It has always been my one big lifetime dream, it is a choice that
have no space for regret. I'm falling hard for this city, I love its
weather, I love coming back to my room finding it's warm when it's
freezing outside and the opposite. I love the atmosphere, and I'm
surely, slowly falling for the people too.
I guess all I can do is to just keep walking, walking, and walking
Life is going to be so wonderful
One day I'll look back saying endless thank you. Amin
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1000 Words
10:41 pm
25 November 2013
This post has been my final closure.
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